pregnancy makes me delusional.

I am delusional. I know it. But, I can't help it. I have tried to bring myself back to reality, but, truly, since being pregnant, I have had some major delusions that I can't seem to shake. I know they are ridiculous, but they are my delusions nonetheless. So, don't laugh at me when I admit them to you. Don't think I am ridiculous either. Because I believe them. Every single one of them.

Delusions to follow in italics.

Delusion #1.

John and I keep joking about how I am "super [pregnant] woman" because I think I can do anything non-pregnant Tara can do. If you keep my last blog post in mind, though, you will see why I think such things.

Case in point: here are a few of the things you could possibly have heard me say at one point or another during this pregnancy:

"Here, let me carry that large box of heavy stuff."

Or, "I can move that piece of furniture."

Or, "Sure, I'll go sit outside in Texas at a baseball game at 2:00 in the afternoon (aka: sit in the hottest state at the hottest time of day) for 3 hours with a dress and leggings on because I don't like the way my little large thighs look, and I'm sure I'll be fine. I probably won't even sweat at all." BAHAHAHAHAHAH. I was sweat-stained from head to toe by the end of that game. TMI? I apologize.

Or, perhaps, "Sure, Dr., we can take the stairs. Yes, I can walk from the 1st floor to the 6th floor, then back down to the 3rd floor, only to return to the 6th floor again. Stairs are no problem for me." I'm lucky to be alive after all the walking I did last week. On these thankles (see last blog post) especially.

Or, "No, I don't need to take a Sunday afternoon nap. I can wake up at 5:00, be to work by 6:30, get things done just in time to make it to church by 9:45, clean my house after church, go back to church at nighttime, then finish cleaning the house when I get home and go to bed at 11:00 so I can wake up the next morning at 5:30 to be back at work. To climb more stairs." If my writing doesn't currently make sense, you now understand. My eye-lids have anchors on them and my brown brain is fuzzy (obviously. brown?? where did that come from? legit typo.) because this was my day yesterday.

And, obviously, I am delusional. Because instead of getting a little shut-eye, I am writing this blog post right now.

Delusion #2.

I absolutely believe that Jude is going to be born on his due date, June 23rd, knowing full well that only 4% of babies are. I'm not going to go into all of this since I dedicated a whole previous blog post to it...but I really think it's going to happen. WE ARE THE 4%, JUDE MAN!

Delusion #3.

I think Jude is going to be a sleeper.  I really think that my little perfect angel baby is going to sleep his little heart away and let his momma sleep too. Because he knows me well enough to know how much I love, like, and desperately need my sleep. He wants a happy momma, right? And, if you ask anyone who knows me and loves me, they will tell you that happy Tara = rested (as in AT LEAST 8 hours, preferably 10 hours of sleep) Tara.

[Note: I know that I will need to wake up to feed him as he is a growing little fella! So, don't worry about his health and nutrition - I'll take good care of him! I just don't think he will be crying at all hours of the night for no known reason. Not my Jude man.]

[Note 2: Yes, I realize how ridiculously delusional I am for believing this one...but, it's still my delusion. And, I'm keeping it...until proven wrong...at which time, you can all chant in unison, "we told you so."]

Delusion #4.

I think I am going to leave the hospital looking like this:

I absolutely know that this is my most absurd delusion. But, for some reason, I really do think I am going to have this perfect little baby and then somehow magically return to super-fit, skinnier-than-ever-because-this-belly-is-gone, swim-suit ready Tara. I know it probably really isn't going to happen...but, like I said earlier, I can't seem to shake these delusions. So, right now, when I imagine myself strolling out of the hospital with my PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND AND BABY BOY, I see me like that. Not like a girl who still looks 6 months pregnant...which is what I know is reality. It's just not my reality. Yet. And, for now, I'd rather have this delusion.

Ridiculous, huh? I know. But, these are my delusions. And, I'm sticking to them. I realize pregnancy has taken a toll on the ole' cerebrum, but I don't mind it. These delusions keep me smiling. And, they've made this pregnancy even more fun than it already is. I've never understood the old saying, "expect the worse, then when things are better, you will be pleasantly surprised." Really that translates into: "spend weeks expecting/dreading the worst thing that can happen so you can be excited for one day when something better than what you were expecting happens." I'd rather "expect the best and roll with it if it doesn't work out." This way, I get weeks and weeks of happy thoughts and when I'm let down, it's only for a day, and then I roll with it. I like it better that way. So, for now, these are my thoughts. And, I'm enjoying filling my head with them. 

Whew. That was long.

2 weeks, 5 days. That's crazy talk.